the surprising intimacy of phone sessions

I’ve been offering video sessions for a while now. In addition to local clients I see people who live in other cities. For them video calls have been the most common choice—as if it is somehow a better option. Perhaps seeing each other on video creates the illusion of real connection.

When the pandemic hit I could no longer see people in person, so I moved all my coaching sessions online. 

As the time of quarantine went on, some of my clients suggested we talk on the phone. They wanted to relieve their eyes from staring at a computer and wished to take a walk in nature while in session. Others were driven by the need for more privacy since their spouse was working from home. 

Phone sessions became our new routine. 

To our mutual surprise, speaking on the phone took us deeper and felt more intimate. It seemed that phone conversations allowed for more heart-to-heart than video calls. 

I wondered what’s that about.

As these phone sessions progressed I began to pay more attention. 

I noticed that there was something about hearing a person’s voice without the distractions of seeing, that felt more cozy and led to profound insights, closer connection, and greater impact. It’s as if the rest of our senses were sharpened and we stayed more present and more alert. It somehow allowed us to catch what mattered most.

We were not distracted by seeing the face of another and this made us feel as if we were talking to a deeper aspect of the Self. Greater truths began to surface. The sessions were increasingly powerful, deeply meaningful and brought unexpected insights. 

It’s as if being invisible made it easier to drop the mask of social appearance and show up more fully. 

Perhaps knowing that nobody sees us, relaxes something in us.

Clients didn’t have to look a certain way, paste a fake smile, or produce another conditioned facial expression aiming to make sure that they are liked. This seemed to create a sense of freedom that’s not fully available in video calls. This allowed for more congruent expression and more honest connection with their Self. Deeper truths were revealed with more ease and were then received with less judgment. 

Each session ended with profound and unexpected breakthrough.

I guess, being invisible has its benefits. It took my clients deeper into the truth of who they are and helped them to access, reveal, and accept what they truly felt. This allowed them to find their truer answers, and a deeper healing occurred.

I wonder if we can bring more phone calls not just in counseling sessions, but also in our love relationships. 

Perhaps this could fill up an intimate gap and revive the forgotten aspects of pillow talk—sensing the other without seeing them, and yet—connecting to their true essence. Perhaps this can open the doors to feeling more relaxed around each other and thus—more available to love. 

Could this help us repair some of the damages created by online dating relying heavily on small talk via text messages and FaceTime?